Family
by OhJay
Summary: What if Hoenheim and Envy lived with Ed and Al after Al got his body back? What would happen? A series of oneshots, implied EdxWinry and AlxMay no yaoi.
1. I A Family

_**I A Family **_

Hoenheim was in his study reading. After Al had gotten his body back he and Ed had rebuilt their old home in Risembool and their father had come back to live with them. Ed still wasn't happy about that, but he was really pissed off when he had heard about Envy. Hoenheim had invited the homunculus of his first son to live with them as well. He had done this so he could keep on eye on him, and Envy had accepted so he could kill him someday.

He and Ed got into fights constantly, and Al always ended up having to get their father to break them up. Hoenheim had been enjoying one of the nice quiet moments in his study when he youngest son knocked on the door.

"Dad?"

"What is it son?"

"Well..."

Al scratched the back of his head and a loud crashing noise could be heard from downstairs. Hoenheim sighed and closed his book. It had been a few weeks since Envy came, and they still weren't getting along. He was getting tired of this, but he was glad that neither of them hadn't gotten seriously hurt.

He went downstairs and looked around at the seen. Nothing had been knocked over (yet) but he saw Ed wrestling with Envy on the floor. At first it didn't look to serious, but then he caught a glimpse of Ed's transmuted automail blade.

"Edward, William*" he said sternly

That caused them to stop and look at him.

"You two know the rules, no fighting in the house"

They both glared at their old man, but broke it up. Hoenheim sighed and shook his head.

"I just don't see why you two can't get along. When I was your age-

"Ugh, dad don't start that was four hundred years ago, literally"

Ed clapped his hands together and transmuted his automail back to normal. Then he grabbed his red coat from the rack.

"I'm out of here"

"Going to see your girlfriend pipsqueak?"

Ed turned red and glared at him.

"She's not my girlfriend! And don't call me pipsqueak!"

Envy smirked and shifted into Winry.

"Is that so Edward?" he said mimicking Winry's voice.

Then it launched into a full bickering match. Both of them spoke at the same time, and Ed spoke fast so it was pretty much impossible to understand them. Al stood by Hoenheim not sure what to do. They occasionally made out a few insults like "Shrimp"and "Palm tree", but that was it.

"Uh, should we do something?" asked Al.

"It should be over soon" said Hoenheim.

"Oh yeah by the way some girl called, she wants her body back" said Ed.

Then he ran out the front door shutting it behind him. Envy was really pissed by that last insult, but he just stormed off to his room and slammed the door shut. Hoenheim sighed.

"_How long is this going to last?"_ he thought.

But they were family, and family doesn't always get along.

_**Author's Notes**_

Uh, yeah just another thing I came up with. Please review (no flames).

*Envy's human name


	2. II Crazy Mornings

_**II Crazy Mornings **_

"Envy will you go get brother up?"

Al and 'Will'* were sitting at the kitchen table eating break fest. Hoenheim was in the shower, and Ed wasn't up yet. Envy got up from the table and walked into Ed's room. The short blond was facing away from him fast asleep.

"Hey shrimp, it's time to get up"

He expected for him to bolt out of bed and yell at him, but instead he just groaned and pulled the covers up. Will sighed. This was proving to be a bit more difficult then he thought it would be.

"Alright then you asked for it"

He went over to the foot of his bed and kicked off the blanket. Then he grabbed his flesh foot, turned around, and dragged him out of the bed. Now as soon as Ed felt his foot being held onto he woke up. He meant to grab a hold of the headboard, but Will had already begun to drag him so he ended up grabbing a hold of the mattress instead.

Hoenheim stepped out of the bathroom after he had finished his shower and gotten dressed. Then he saw something that caused him to stop and stare with a 'WTF?" expression. Will still had a hold of Ed's foot, and Ed still had a hold of the mattress, so he had ended up dragging Ed _and _the mattress out into the hallway.

Hoenheim just watched silently as this went by through the hall, and Al did the same thing when they got to the kitchen. Once they were in the kitchen envy stopped dragging and let go of Ed's foot.

"There, I got him"

The next morning Ed was up surprisingly early and rummaging around in the kitchen. Al watched his older brother for a moment, then noticed the mischievous look on his face.

"Do I even want to ask what you're up to?" asked Al.

"It's pay back Al" he said with a smirk.

"_Oh god"_ thought Al.

Ed went into Will's room quietly and came out a few minutes later.

"I'd stick around to see it but I don't want to be killed, tell me how it goes Al"

Then he grabbed his coat and left to who knows where.

Hoenheim came down the stairs a while later. The house was unusually quiet, but then he heard a loud crash from Will's room. Even though they knew he would be alright** they went in his room to see what happened. They found him on the floor soaking wet with a bucket of water on his head with a skateboard next to him. Will silently took the bucket off his head and stood up.

"That shrimp's dead"

Then he stomped off to the bathroom to dry off.

_**Author's Notes**_

Alright thanks to the positive feedback I've decided to make this a series of oneshots. If anyone has any ideas that they would like to see written I'm open to them as long as their not yaoi and/or Elricest. Well on that note please review and all that other good stuff.

*Since Envy's human name is William, I'll be calling him Will from now on.

**He's still a homunculus so he can regenerate.


	3. III Driving Lessons

_**III Driving Lessons**_

Will and Ed sat silently at the kitchen table glaring at each other. It had only been a few hours since Ed had taken his pay back, and Hoenheim wasn't to pleased. He had tracked down Ed and dragged him back to the house. He had a family talk at the table with the two of them and told then that they were brothers and had to at least try and get along. Then Ed and Will had thrown insults at each other, but Hoenheim had found a solution to all their fighting.

" If you guys don't stop it I'm gonna make you two hug for five minutes"

Ed was not not a huggy person, even when Al hugged him he asked for his personal space, and Will, well he was more of a " touch me and you die" person, so hearing this they both shut up. Hoenheim smiled feeling a bit proud that he was able to find something to work it out then went upstairs to his study.

Now if looks could kill then Ed and Will would be dead, because the two of them had a glare war that even scared Al. Other than that they didn't speak to each other unless they absolutely had to, but that would become extremely difficult.

"No" said Hoenheim sternly.

"Why not?" asked Ed.

Ed followed his father down the steps a few days later. Will and Al were eating in the dinning room, but they both stopped to listen.

"I'm sixteen, I should learn how to drive" said Ed.

"You sure you can reach the petals?" said Will.

Ed threw the homunculus a death glare then turned back to Hoenheim.

"It's not like I have to take some sort of class to drive*, what's the big deal?"

"_I don't want you wrecking the car that's what"_ thought Hoenheim.

"I don't know Edward..."

The truth was the thought of Ed driving around terrified him, after all he didn't seem like the perfect little save driver.

"Well if you don't teach me than who will?"

Hoenheim looked over at his oldest son.

"How about Will?"

"**WHAT?! HELL NO!" **they both said in unison.

A few minutes later they were both sitting in the car with their arms crossed. Neither of them liked this idea, but Will decided to just get it over with. He sighed and pointed a few things out to Ed.

"Brake, gas, mirrors, reverse, drive, road, don't crash"

Ed rolled his eyes at the last comment and adjusted the seat so he could reach everything. Will snickered when he saw how much Ed had to move the seat up but Ed ignored him and put on his seat belt.

At first it was fine. However Ed didn't pay attention to the speed, after all they were on a nice big empty country road that hardly anyone went on. Will found himself clinging to the car and closing his eyes tightly not wanting to see when they were going to crash. Ed didn't crash into anything, but he hit a bump in the road causing Will to go through the windshield because he didn't put his seat belt on.

Ed was able to stop the car before any more damaged was caused, but the windshield was broken, and Will was pissed. Any human would have died from something like that, but he simply regenerated and stood up like nothing had happened.

"**I TOLD YOU NOT TO CRASH! DYING IS EXTREMELY PAINFUL YA'KNOW!" **

"**OH WELL _EXCUSE ME_ FOR WEARING MY SEAT BELT!" **Ed shouted sarcastically.

Ed shut off the car and got out. He clapped his hands together then transmuted the rest of the windshield so that it spread out to where Will went through. It was thinner, but Hoenheim would never know what happened. Will drove home, it was quiet the whole way back.

"So how'd it go?" asked Hoenheim.

"I am _never_ driving with him again" said Will.

Then he stomped off to his room. Hoenheim turned to Ed and was going to ask what happened, but he was already gone. Hoenheim sighed, this was not getting much easier.

_**Author's Notes **_

I was thinking about this in driver's Ed, and I just _had_ to do this. I hope you guys like it and please review.

*It's around 1915, so there is no driver's Ed or any strict laws.


	4. IV Homunculi Sitting

_**IV Homunculi Sitting**_

Al looked around. This was not good. He was sitting at the table with Ed, Will, and Wrath. It was completely silent, but the three of them were all glaring at each other and looked like cats that were ready to pounce. It was starting to creep him out, but he knew if he left the room he'd come back to a battlefield. Of course it wasn't his fault this mess started.

_A few days ago…_

_Ed sighed as he walked in the house and hung his coat on the rack._

"_You're back from that mission brother?"_

"_Yeah, it was a pain in the ass too"_

"_You're only saying that because of Mustang and the uniform brother"_

"_So?! Look at this thing! It's blue, **BLUE!**"_

_It was true. Now Ed was forced to wear the military uniform on certain missions, and he was not a happy camper. Al rolled his eyes and sighed._

"_Some people never change I guess" he muttered._

"_Yeah some people never grow either" said Will._

_Ed was about to throw a rant at him, but there was a knock at the door. Will shrugged and answered it. Once Ed and Al saw who it was the screamed and hugged each other like they were watching a horror movie. There in the door way stood Izumi Curtis, the most terrifying woman they knew._

_Now Al did what most scared younger brothers would do, he hid behind his older brother. Ed was also terrified of her, so he hid behind Will who was somewhere between 'What the hell?!' and 'Don't touch me!'. Then Hoenheim came down stairs._

"_What is going on?" he asked._

"_Oh, you must be their father. I'm Izumi Curtis, Ed and Al's alchemy teacher"_

_They shook hands._

"_Ah, thank you for teaching my sons, is there something I can do for you?"_

"_Actually I would like to speak to Edward alone if I could"_

_Once Ed heard that he gulped._

"_I'm dead" he thought._

"_It was nice knowing you brother"_

"_Yeah, you too"_

"_If she kills you can I have your stuff?" asked Will._

_Al rolled his eyes and took the homunculus upstairs. Moments later Ed was alone in the living room with his teacher, and to make it worse he was still in his uniform._

"_So it's true then"_

_She grabbed his shirt and pulled him close. Ed shivered knowing he was in for it._

"_You're still in the military"_

_Ed managed to get out a "Yes" but you could hear the fear in his voice. He could see the anger in his teacher's eyes complete with a fiery anime background. She dropped him to the floor and he closed his eyes knowing that he was going to get kicked and/or thrown. But the pain he expected never came, so he opened his eyes. Izumi was sitting on the couch with her arms folded looking at him._

"_You're not gonna beat me up?"_

"_No."_

_Ed sighed from relief and stood up._

"_BUT-"_

_Ed groaned. He did not like when something started with "But"._

"_I need you to do something for me"_

So now here they were , in Dublinth,watching over Wrath for the day. Apparently after Winry fitted him with automail he wandered off and ended up living in Dublinth with Izumi. And now, here they were; two alchemists and two homunculi glaring at each other while playing poker. Al didn't know what a poker face was, but if it was anything like a death glare then Ed, Wrath, and Will had it perfect.

"You cheated!" shouted Wrath.

"I did not!" said Ed.

"Get him!" said Will.

Will and Wrath tried to Tackle Ed, but Al jumped between then at the last minute.

"Can you guys at least take this outside?"

"Fine" they said in unison.

"That's not what I meant!"

Al sighed.

"_Why is it so hard to keep the peace?" _he thought.

Al stayed inside not wishing to see the fight against his brother. However a few minutes later he heard Izumi's voice.

"**WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!"**

Al ran outside to see what happened. Ed was in the middle of the two homunculi, and the three of them were frozen in mid fight. Wrath was apparently biting Ed's arm, while Will had tried to tackle Ed, but gotten kicked in the face. They all looked at Izumi, and weren't sure what to say.

"Uh...Three way spar?" said Ed.

She seemed to buy it, and told Ed, Al, and Will that they could go home. On the train back, all three of them agreed not to babysit Wrath again.

_**Author's Notes**_

Sorry it took a little while to get this up, but I'm in the middle of finals. I should have the next chapter up sometime over break, but I'm running out of ideas so I'll need some suggestions or something. I also want to give Wrath a name, but right now I can't think of any, so please help with that.


	5. V Girlfriend

_**V Girlfriend **_

It all started one afternoon when Ed Walked upstairs and found Will looking out a window with a pair of binoculars. Ed stopped and looked at him for a minute, but he didn't seem to notice him yet.

"What are you doing?" he finally asked.

"Spying on people"

Ed rolled his eyes.

"That's not very nice ya'know. You go ahead but I'm not-

"Hey it looks like you're brother has a girlfriend!"

"Let me see!" he said as he ran over to the window and grabbed the binoculars out of his hand.

Will just blinked and looked at him.

"I thought it 'wasn't nice to spy on people' and-

"Shhhh!"

Sure enough it did look like Al had a girlfriend. He was walking along with a short black haired girl who looked like she was from Xing*. A moment later Hoenheim came upstairs and looked at them with a raised eyebrow.

"What are you two doing" He asked.

"Bird watching" said Ed.

Hoenheim shrugged and went into his study.

"_As long as their not peeping in on girls changing or something"_ he thought.

"Ok, my turn" said Will.

Will tried to grab the binoculars from Ed. But he wouldn't let go off them. Moments later they were fighting over it like two kids who didn't want to share a toy. Hoenheim heard the noise sohe poked his head out the door.

"_Must be some bird"_ he thought.

Then they heard the front door open and shut.

"I'm home!"

It was Al. As soon as Will and Ed heard him they dropped the binoculars and ran down stairs.

"So who was your friend?" asked Ed.

"Huh?" Al asked innocently.

"Ya'know the one who looks like this" said Will as he changed into the girl they saw.

"Is she your _girlfriend_?" asked Ed teasingly.

Al blushed.

"I-It's not like that! She came from Xing and I was just showing her around Risembool"

"Sure" said Will sarcastically.

"Showing her around on a date" said Ed.

"Oh Alphonse I love you!" said Will mimicking a girls voice.

Al rolled his eyes and went upstairs.

"_Brothers"_ he thought.

But older brothers are supposed to tease their younger siblings, and little did Al know this was just the beginning of it.

_**Author's Notes **_

Yeah I surprised how fast I got this chapter done too. I guess I had more time than I thought, and my motivation went up too. Well I'll have the next chapter up later tonight or tomorrow.

* May Chan from the manga.


	6. VI Shopping

_**VI Shopping **_

It was a nice quiet morning, or it was until Al and Hoenheim heard Will scream. It wasn't a scream from help or out of fear, it was more like an **"ARRRRGGHHHHHHHHHH!"**. Then they heard an **"ALPHONSE!" **from Ed in his room. Will was the first to come running down the stairs holding his favorite purple skirt that was shredded.

"**WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY SKIRT?!" **he asked holding it up.

Hoenheim wasn't sure what to say since he never expected any of his sons to say something like that. Al was silent too, but he looked guilty. Then Ed came running down the stairs holding his red coat.

"**WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY COAT?!" **he asked holding up his coat.

Ed's coat was covered in cat hair, and Al stared down at the floor and fiddled with his fingers.

"You've been sneaking cats in again haven't you?!" said Ed.

In response two gray stripped cats came out of Al's room. Ed and Will looked at the cats, then glared at Al. Hoenheim sighed and stood up.

"It's alright boys, I said he could keep them. Now I'll give you two some money to go to Central and get some new clothes"

Ed and Will silently took the money, then headed towards the train station. A few hours later they were in Central looking around at the shops. People would stare if Will walked around with his usual form, so since he was going to buy a skirt or two she shifted into a teenage brunette girl (since he was planning on buying skirts). As they walked they passed a teen clothing store Will ran in and immediately started looking at the skirts. Ed saw this and an anime sweat drop went down the side of his head.

"_I will never understand him"_

Sometimes he wondered if he was really a he. He decided to let the homunculus be and continued walking around. A few minutes later Ed came out of a fabric store with a brand new transmuted red trench coat. Surprisingly Will was outside waiting for him with his hands full of his own shopping bags.

"What there was a sale"

"Are you sure your not my half sister instead of my half brother?"

"Watch it shrimp"

"**WILL YOU QUIT CALLING ME A SHRIMP I'M OVER FIVE FEET NOW!"**

"Wow really? So you grew what about three feet?"

With that they started arguing all the way home. When they got inside they had stopped yelling at each other, but they were still pissed.

"So how'd it go?" asked Hoenheim.

Ed and Will muttered a "Fine" Then walked off into their rooms. Hoenheim thought that they might be starting to get along, but he would soon see that wasn't the case.

_**Author's Notes**_

Sorry for the delay on this chapter. I got writer's block on this, then I was out of town for a week, then my keyboard died so I couldn't do much. The next chapter is going to be the last because I'm kind of getting tired with this story. Thank you Azula for this idea, and I hope you guys keep reviewing.


	7. VII Getting Along

_**VII Getting Along**_

Ed and Will glared at each other.

"You are so dead after this" said Will.

"Hey I'm not the one who lost my temper" said Ed.

"But you still started it"

That much was true.

_A few minutes ago..._

_Ed, Will, and Wrath now Ikari* sat around quietly in the living room. Izumi had come by and was talking to Hoenheim about something outside. Will was reading some sort of book, but Ed and Ikari had nothing to do. Then a light bulb went up in Ed's head and he got a mischievous smirk on his face._

"_Psst, Ikari"_

_Ikari leaned over as Ed whispered something in his ear. Then he too had a mischievous smirk on his face, but it looked slightly more evil._

"_Just follow my lead" Ed whispered. _

_Ed sunk up behind Will and poked him. Will turned to see who it was, but he didn't see anyone. He looked over to Ed and Ikari but they were both sitting in chairs reading. Will shrugged it off and went back to reading his book. Then he felt another poke, this time from Ikari. A few pokes later he was trying to ignore them, but it was really starting to get on his nerves. All it took was one more poke from Ed, then h snapped._

_Hoenheim and Izumi were talking outside about Ed and Al's training. They were trying to decide if she should continue to teach them, but they were interrupted by a loud crash from inside. The two adults ran inside to see Ed and Will fighting, and Ikari sitting innocently in the corner with a book._

After that Izumi left with Ikari then Hoenheim broke up the fight and burst into a lecture. Thing was they didn't know he was serious about making them hug for five minutes, so here they were locked into a lovingly embrace in the longest five minutes of their life.

"You better sleep with your eyes open tonight shrimp"

Ed didn't know how serious he was about that, so he slept with his automail blade out just in case. After the hugging incident they both stopped antagonizing each other, and Hoenheim thought that he had finally mad peace between the two, but even Al knew that wasn't the case.

_**Author's Notes**_

Well here's the last chapter. I hoped you enjoyed this story, and thank you for all your reviews, favorites and subscriptions. For those of you who have read New Dawn and are waiting for City of Demons I am still working on it, I've just had some speed bumps on it.

* Well I took Azula's suggestion with something Japanese. So I got out my Japanese dictionary, and looked up Wrath. So I guess you could say I went for something literal.


End file.
